Confusion

Greene County Barn, Bland Rd.

Confusion is one of the lesser recognized emotions.   It's gets a bad rap.  If one admits to being confused, then others can quickly dismiss her/him as mentally deficient.  No one wants to be in that place.

The thing is that EVERYONE gets confused sometimes. But because we don't want to admit it, what often happens is that when we find ourselves confused, we don't acknowledge it and instead we quickly jump to another emotion such as anger, shame or panic, or we shut down, or we procrastinate, etc. 

When was the last time you allowed yourself to acknowledge being confused?  What is your immediate strategy of choice when you get confused?

When I get confused, I often jump right on into shame.  I know something is going on, I can't figure it out, I should be able to figure it out, why am I not figuring it out?, I thought I figured this out but apparently not, how could I have missed this?, I blew it, I'm an idiot, I can't figure it out, what is going on here?, what's wrong with me?, something is really wrong with me, I suck, etc. 

If confusion is really uncomfortable for you, then being able to admit to yourself, 'I'm confused' or 'This is really confusing' is a great way to start digging yourself out of whatever emotional hole you find yourself in by not acknowledging it.  You don't have to tell anyone else that you're confused.

Once you've labelled it, then you can give yourself time to sort out options, emotions, information, stimuli.   Take your time.

Lately, I've been experiencing a lot of confusion over priorities.  I know what my priorities are - the problem is there are too many excellent ones and not enough time or me to go around.   I have no idea how to sort them out and I definitely do not want to choose, because that means something will get left out and that just feels bad.  Since I'm not reducing my load, I keep on going in a state of overwhelm and frustration.

So, right now I'm acknowledging the confusion and just taking time to sort out my options.   I'll tackle big decisions later.  [and I'll keep you posted.]



[Speaking of confusion and shame, I found this vid of an interview with Brene Brown, which I have watched a couple of times.  It's full of great stuff along these lines.]

Priorities

I don't know about you, but in May my workload doubles.  I have all of the regular business work and creative work, plus all the outside work on top of - and the grass keeps on growing.  I know you've got a lot on your plate, too - probably way too much.  In order to stay in balance, you need to decide where to put your effort for best return, and you need to see where your priorities lay.  Here are two easy ways to approach that.

1.  Make a list of all the stuff on your plate,  Then put it in order according to importance.  The things at the top of the list are your highest priorities. 

2.  Fill out one of these Covey Quadrants.  It's a very simple way of examining your To Do list and putting things in their proper place with regard to Urgency and Importance.   What's nice about this approach is that it shows you what things you can take off your list completely. 

Take a look at your priorities.  Are they where you want them to be?  Are you giving more time & effort to things you don't think are important?   Are you neglecting things that are?  Do you need to make changes? 

Once you've decided your priorities, you'll need to protect them.   Next time we'll be talking about boundaries.





I'd like to invite you to join our Best Self facebook group where we can talk freely about becoming our best selves - and all the messy work that entails.  In addition, I have another group, The Well Balanced Artist, for creatives of all kinds and in all stages of their creative lives, who are trying to balance their art, business and personal lives.   

Balance

The theme for this month is 'balance'.  Balance is hard for me.  I do a lot of things, wear a lot of hats, work as efficiently as I can to be as productive as I can be, which means I often neglect things that are good for me and which feel good when I do them, but do not meet my very strict definition of  'productive'.  I love how I feel when I'm productive.  I don't love how I feel when I'm neglecting something and get out of balance.

Lately I feel very out of balance.  To get back in balance, I answered these questions:

A.  What are the things/goals I'm trying to accomplish and work toward these days?

• Am I making progress?
• Do I feel good about that progress

B.  What am I neglecting?

• Has that neglect caused problems?   What are they?

C.  Do I want to continue feeling out of balance?

• What specific things do I need to do to address the things I'm neglecting?
• How much time will I set aside to address these?  (Doesn't have to be a lot)

D.  What strategy will I use to free up the time I need to do these things?

• What things will I no longer spend time on?  
• What boundaries will I instate to protect my time & focus?
• What physical space do I need to have available?
• What reminders do I need?

E.  Who do I have to support me? [This one is not easy for me, either.]

• My accountability partner is _______________.
• My cheerleader is _______________.

F.  How am I going to reward myself for doing this stuff (based on difficulty/effort)?

• My little reward is _______________.
• My medium sized reward is _______________.
• My OMG-I-really-did-this reward is _______________.
• My accountability partner who will make sure I reward myself is _______________.

My current issues have to do with a creative practice and a meditation practice.  I need to schedule these into my day.   I have very reasonable and measurable goals.  My meditation practice is five and a half minutes.  [Seriously.  Go to that link and read about it.]   I set a timer.   My creative practice should be at least 10 minutes.  I'll set a timer for that one, too. 

The challenge for me with these is that I do them better when I'm in the right head space and I haven't been, so it's hard to sit down and sketch or meditate.   I think my strategy for this is to do them first thing in the day, then give myself a really awesome reward when I've done them for so long.  10 days?  30 days?  [Note:  I'm not interested in doing them everysingleday-all-or-nothing.  30 days with the occasional skip is still 30 days and that would be awesome.  They don't have to be 30 consecutive days.]   I'm still thinking about the reward thing.  It brings up other issues I have about being deserving of rewards.   I have more work to do on that.   Maybe I should give myself a reward for accepting a reward?  I'll keep you posted.