Sunday, April 21, 2019

No More Goats

One of my loveliest friends was telling me about her 5 year old daughter, who is learning to deal with her older brother's teasing.  Her brother knows exactly what buttons to push to get a reaction.  My friend explained to her daughter that he was just trying to get her goat.  Even so, teasing continued, goats were got, and the 5 year old's exasperation would result in screaming for him to stop.

One day, the teasing started, and my friend heard her daughter scream at her brother,  'I  HAVE NO MORE GOATS!'...

I'm still laughing.

You guys, this is exactly how I feel sometimes.  I want to scream at the universe: STOP!  I HAVE NO MORE GOATS.

No more goats for the people who complain instead of ask intelligent questions, or who complain instead of try to understand.  No more goats for people who twist my words.  No more goats for the people who tell me not to feel my feelings. No more goats for the people who don't want me to be who I am.  No more goats for the people who don't want me to change.

No more goats for the part of me who is never satisfied with myself.  No more goats for the part of me that is always on high alert. No more goats for the part of me that catastrophizes.  No more goats for the part of me that says, 'yes' out of fear - and the one that is afraid to say, 'no' because it might upset the boat.    In fact, I have no more goats for the boat. 

I am getting out of the boat and I am getting my goats back. 

I've spent a lot of time thinking about Recovery this year.  Recovery is part 'from' [recovery from trauma] and part 'of' [recovery of what I have lost, which is my SELF]. I will recover my goats as I recover my self.  The big question is how does one recover Self? 

For me, there will be more No's and better Yeses.  I will spend more time honoring myself and less time trying to make other people happy.  I will start asking myself what I am doing out of fear, and what I want to do out of curiosity, excitement, learning, creativity, joy. I will listen to my Mind, Heart, Body and Soul. I will give myself all the permissions I need.

When I get my goats back, I will find new ways of keeping them.   It will probably involve a lot of No.   No I won't be able to do that for you.  No I am not interested in participating in that.  No I do not accept your treatment of me.  No I do not accept your view of me and I don't care what you think I should do.  No I will not drop everything to fix this for you.  No I am not afraid of your feelings, and I won't protect you from my feelings.  No.

I can hear my goats coming back already.


Saturday, April 20, 2019

Just a few more days


My show at the Lawrence County Art Association in Bedford, Indiana was extended for an extra week!   You can see it until April 27.   Gallery address and hours HERE

Wednesday, April 17, 2019

The Fiber Event at Greencastle, Indiana.



The Fiber Event at Greencastle, Indiana

Friday, April 19, 2019
Saturday, April 20, 2019

Free Admission        Free Parking
Details at their website:  thefiberevent.com



I'll be there with a booth full of gorgeousness.  The booth is in the Community Building, next to the stage.  Please stop in to say hi and show me what you've been working on this winter.


Monday, April 15, 2019

Workshop with Judy Mudd

A couple of weeks ago, I took a workshop on cityscapes with Judy Mudd, who came up from Louisville for the day to teach us a bunch of tips and tricks.   As always, she was friendly and engaging and full of knowledge and encouragement.

This is what I painted that day.  Cities are not my native habitat, so this was an exercise in architecture and in light & shadow.  I'll take what I learned and use it to paint more of my favorite rural subjects.



I had a lot of fun learning how Judy does people and cars and I was happy to be able to practice in this piece.

I've taken workshops with Judy before and as always we had a great time.  If you get a chance to take a class from her, do.   Her 2 or 3 day classes taught in Berea, Kentucky are wonderful!

You can see Judy's award-winning work HERE.

Friday, April 12, 2019

Bigger

©Robin Edmundson, 'Tetrad Floral', watercolor, 24 x 18 inches. 
Unframed.  $600.

For much of my life I have tried to live under the radar.  It was safer that way.

There were a lot of rules:

  • Don't show off
  • Shine, but not too brightly
  • Be great at what you do, but not the best
  • Let men be the leaders and always defer to what they say
  • Smaller is better [translation:  Lose weight, lots of weight]
  • Invisible is good
  • Never ask for attention
  • Don't be proud of what you do
  • Big work = Big [very visible] mistakes. Work small so your mistakes are small
These rules are all shame-based and for 50 years, I was really, really good at shame.  I'm breaking a lot of these rules lately. 

I don't want you to think that I just woke up one morning and said 'Screw the rules!' and made some changes. Confronting a lifetime of shame and changing how you think [about everything!] takes a lot of courage. A lot of time. A lot of patience.  A lot of great teachers.  And a lot of baby steps.

One of these baby steps was to decide to paint bigger.  Risk bigger, visible failures. So, I bought a few blocks of larger paper so I can work in an 18 x 24 inch format, which I have found that I love.  I've been trying new subjects [more florals] and I've been playing big.  And making big mistakes.  And I don't care [as much as I used to. :)]  The painting above is one of my new, larger pieces.  It started as a color experiment while I was teaching a Color Harmonies class here at my studio.  At one point, I 'ruined' it but I kept working on it.  It was so freeing to work on that lovely big paper! Bonus - I think I'm doing better work.

Working bigger is helping me to take the next step in my healing process.  Working bigger lets me see that I can, maybe someday, live bigger and heal bigger.   

That's big.  


Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Midwinter Sky & Birds

© Robin Edmundson, 'Midwinter Sky & Birds', watercolor, 18x24 inches. 
Framed to 26x32 inches.  $750.


I've been working with this scene for a while and I realized that what it really wanted was more space, so I worked it up in a larger format. I love it.

Our winter palette is mostly umbers and ochres - until it snows, and for a few days it's hard to tell where the sky stops and the trees and fields begin. Then the trees shake off the snow and clouds and re-establish the boundaries.

There is a stark beauty in a winter day like that, with scraps of earth showing through the snow. On a day like this, there is quiet in the clutter of our woods and farms, with nothing to distract from the ebb and flow of winter birds moving from one field to the next.

I love this about Indiana.

Friday, March 29, 2019

The Barn Near the Woods

© Robin Edmundson, 'The Barn Near the Woods', watercolor, 18 x 24 inches.  Framed to 26 x 32.  $750
[Available at the Lawrence County Art Association until April 20, 2019]

It is said that Indiana's state religion is basketball, so it's no surprise that so many of our old barns out here have a basketball hoop on them.  Friends gathered before and after school to blow off steam.  Fathers and children shot a few baskets on the way to feed the animals.  I still remember the thump-thump of the ball hitting the wood and then hoop as friends practiced layups.  These hoops are fixtures on our barns and in our hearts. 
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...