Perspective

This month I've been talking a lot about how to deal with obstacles.  A very useful tool for tackling obstacles is perspective.  A change in perspective allows you to look at things from different vantage points.  Here are three simple ways to practice using perspective.

1. You've heard the expression about not being able to see the forest for the trees.  This is when you're so focused on the details that you forget to take a step back to see the bigger picture.  Maybe things aren't about you. Maybe this obstacle will direct you onto a path that will take you somewhere better. Maybe this delay or hardship really isn't very important in the eternal scheme of things and it's OK to let it go.

2.  Look more closely.  When you're feeling frustrated because nothing is happening!... what if you stepped in for a closer look?  Progress is happening, but it's happening incrementally, like dew forming on the grass.  You just need to give it time.

3. Finally remember that we can rarely see all of something from just one vantage point. Sometimes taking a few steps to the left or right, or walking around to see what's in back is enough to shake something loose in your thinking and give you an idea for how to proceed when you feel stuck.

What are your favorite ways of dealing with obstacles?


I'd like to invite you to join our Best Self facebook group where we can talk freely about becoming our best selves - and all the messy work that entails.  In addition, I have another group, The Well Balanced Artist, for creatives of all kinds and in all stages of their creative lives, who are trying to balance their art, business and personal lives. 

Overcoming 'I Can't'

Maple flowers, just before the leaves come on.

I've been a teacher for my entire adult life. Much of that has been in places where I'm teaching skills, and those skills aren't easy.  Most people are willing to practice and learn until they can do what it is I'm teaching. Others get stuck in 'I can't'.  What I've noticed over the years is that usually 'I can't' means something else entirely. 

Here are the top three things people really mean when they say 'I can't'. 

1.  'I don't know how' - The problem with saying 'I can't' is that it offers no solution to overcoming the problem.  On the other hand, saying, 'I don't know how [yet],' presents a solution:  Learn how.   Once you have that as a goal, then you are open to finding the right teacher, book, experience, etc. that will help you learn how. 

2.  'It's harder than I expected.' - I often hear this when people are excited to start something new, then they realize that they aren't good at it right away and that mastery is going to take sustained practice and work. That's not very much fun.  However, if you can say, 'It's harder than I expected,' instead of 'I can't', then you have given yourself permission to change your expectations of the process and let yourself off the hook for not being perfect at something right away. 

3. 'I don't want to' - By far, this is the most common thing that people mean when they say 'I can't'.  'I can't' means you don't have the power or ability to do something and it's not your fault. On the other hand, saying, 'I don't want to,' means you accept full responsibility and for whatever reason, you choose not to do the thing.  The problem is that we don't want to disappoint people [I don't want to come to your event'], we don't want to appear less than skilled or perfect [I don't want to make the effort'], we don't like change [I don't want to upset the status quo'], etc.   It's much more polite and far easier to say 'I can't' and blame the universe which cruelly left us without the power or ability to do this thing than it is to say, 'Hey, I weighed my options and this one didn't make the cut.  I don't want to. So sorry,' which may be true, but isn't always socially acceptable.

The next time you hear yourself or someone say, 'I can't', stop for a minute and try to figure out what is really meant.   See if a shift in mindset would help loosen some resistance and move you to a place of 'I can', or a place of more fully accepting what you do and don't want to do.

Overcoming Obstacles

This photo is of early slippery elm seeds. It's another sign that spring is on its way, taking her own sweet time.  Often things happen in their own sweet time and in their own sweet way and we perceive those delays as obstacles.  We wonder if the fact that things aren't going easily is a sign from the universe.  But what does that sign mean?

Maybe it means, 'Be patient.'   Or, 'Try another tack.'  Or, 'This isn't right for you.  Let it go'.   Maybe it doesn't mean anything except they've closed a lane ahead and traffic is slow, 'It's not about you.'

At any rate, obstacles happen all the time.  When I hit an obstacle to my plans, I use this mantra. 

Stay Calm.  Stay Positive.  Think Creatively.

Staying calm allows me to see past the immediate frustration and get a look at the bigger picture, which often isn't about me.  Staying positive helps me not feed ugly drama and keeps me in a place where I'm most likely to notice new strategies and opportunities.  Thinking creatively helps me remember to look for new ways of doing things, new perspectives, new input. 

I cannot tell you the number of 'impossible' situations we've been able to solve or work around by using these ideas.  And in case you're wondering, it took a long time and a lot of practice for me to remember to use this strategy first instead of falling into frustration, rage and despair.   I wish I could tell you some inspirational story about how I made this switch, but the truth is I learned it as a homeschooling parent of a dyslexic.   So many things that had worked with my older daughter just didn't work with my younger.   I didn't want my youngest to associate frustration, rage and despair with her situation, so I came up with the new mantra, wrote it down and whenever we hit a roadblock, I repeated it.  Over and over, until I believed it.  And miracles happened, again and again.  And then it was easy for me to hold onto those ideas and repeat them for her as we got to the really hard stuff in high school and college.   I'm telling you, this stuff really works.