 |
| © Robin Edmundson, 'Haybales, Blue Trees', watercolor, 10 x 14 inches |
This month we've been talking about how to stay in balance and to do that you need to know your priorities. Once you've got your priorities, you've got to protect them. This means setting boundaries.
Boundaries are the edges where one thing stops and another starts. In painting, we talk about hard edges and soft edges. If you look at the painting above, there is a hard edge on the left side of the bale against the blue trees. You can tell exactly where one thing stops and another starts. Now take a look at the trees. You can see a lot of color, but it's hard to tell where one tree stops and another starts. Same with the grass. These are soft edges.
In our lives we have both kinds of boundaries. Hard boundaries are the easy ones, the line-in-the-sand ones. Here are some of mine:
- I will not eat watermelon.
- I will not have an arachnid for a pet.
- We will NOT get another puppy.
- Murder is not an option.
- Neither is a motorcycle.
The soft boundaries are harder. The lines blur and we make exceptions based on the specific individuals or situation. For example:
- I won't eat watermelon ... unless there's no other option and I'm hungry.
- I won't get another puppy...unless it's really cute, and free, and it's wet/cold/hungry.
- I won't serve on another committee...unless so-and-so asks and I can do the work in 30 minutes or less a month.
- I will get this project done today...unless my friend calls with a crisis.
- I won't answer the phone...unless it's my sister.
- I will meditate every day...if I feel like it.
- I will say no...unless they ask again [and keep asking].
See how it works? Those soft boundaries are our weak spots. People can use them to manipulate us. And when we give in, we get angry at ourselves, or we don't follow through, or we tell ourselves we're weak, or we suck and so we don't really deserve the thing we're working toward since we let ourselves get derailed.
What do we do? First, identify where you need to firm up a boundary. Then, take a one-day-at-a-time approach. Just TODAY, I will let the dishes sit in the sink so I can finish my thing instead. Or just today I will do the dishes first, so when I come home the house feels nice and I'm not greeted with chaos and more work.
Maybe you need a one-hour-at-a-time approach. For this HOUR, I will not answer the phone. I will focus on this task and it will feel so good to get it done. For this HOUR, I will focus on my kiddos completely with no multitasking.
Maybe you need a one-hour-at-a-time approach. For this HOUR, I will not answer the phone. I will focus on this task and it will feel so good to get it done. For this HOUR, I will focus on my kiddos completely with no multitasking.
Baby steps are magic. Look back at your priorities - What boundaries do you need to firm up to protect your highest priorities? What will you do differently this week?
I'd like to invite you to join our Best Self facebook group where we can talk freely about becoming our best selves - and all the messy work that entails. In addition, I have another group, The Well Balanced Artist, for creatives of all kinds and in all stages of their creative lives, who are trying to balance their art, business and personal lives.
