Transformation

Happy Halloween!   Halloween was set on the traditional date of the old Celtic celebration, Samhain [pronounced SOW-en].   It's the season of shadows and spirits and transformations of all kinds.

I've been reading Thich Nhat Hahn's book, You Are Here, in which he talks about exploring our shadow self, the darker, less socially acceptable parts of ourselves that we are quick to hide and slow to acknowledge.

His advice was elegant.   Allow yourself to witness the shadow parts of ourselves.  Just notice and witness.  There is no need to banish them, because they are an important part of who we are, and all things can be transformed.  He says,

'In Buddhist meditation, you do not turn yourself into a battlefield, with good fighting against evil.  Both sides belong to you, the good and the evil. Evil can be transformed into good and vice versa.' 

Transformed. You do not have to destroy part of yourself, you only need to find a way to transform it.  The energy is still there, but changes form.  Shape-shifting energy.  And as it changes shape, it can do different things. 

I am taking today to witness my shadow self and then identify those areas that can be transformed into something more useful.  For example, I have been witnessing in myself a lot of anger.  Instead of being upset with myself for harboring so much deep anger [nice people aren't supposed to be angry], I am simply noticing it.  All of it.  I asked myself what that anger can be transformed into that would serve me better and after considering it for a time, I realized that my anger is an excellent tool for reminding me where my boundaries are or ought to be. 

Today I will honor my anger and turn it into a tool for helping me establish and honor better boundaries - something that has traditionally been a weak area for me.  This way I can witness my shadow self without being ashamed and without becoming a battlefield.  I honor my anger and I honor my boundaries.  That feels really good.

Happy Halloween!   Blessed Samhain!

Boundaries

© Robin Edmundson, 'Haybales, Blue Trees', watercolor, 10 x 14 inches

This month we've been talking about how to stay in balance and to do that you need to know your priorities.  Once you've got your priorities, you've got to protect them.  This means setting boundaries.

Boundaries are the edges where one thing stops and another starts.  In painting, we talk about hard edges and soft edges.   If you look at the painting above, there is a hard edge on the left side of the bale against the blue trees.   You can tell exactly where one thing stops and another starts.  Now take a look at the trees.   You can see a lot of color, but it's hard to tell where one tree stops and another starts.   Same with the grass.  These are soft edges.

In our lives we have both kinds of boundaries.   Hard boundaries are the easy ones, the line-in-the-sand ones.   Here are some of mine:

• I will not eat watermelon.
• I will not have an arachnid for a pet.
• We will NOT get another puppy.  
• Murder is not an option.
• Neither is a motorcycle. 

The soft boundaries are harder.  The lines blur and we make exceptions based on the specific individuals or situation.  For example:

• I won't eat watermelon ... unless there's no other option and I'm hungry.
• I won't get another puppy...unless it's really cute, and free, and it's wet/cold/hungry.
• I won't serve on another committee...unless so-and-so asks and I can do the work in 30 minutes or less a month.
• I will get this project done today...unless my friend calls with a crisis.
• I won't answer the phone...unless it's my sister.
• I will meditate every day...if I feel like it. 
• I will say no...unless they ask again [and keep asking].

See how it works?   Those soft boundaries are our weak spots.  People can use them to manipulate us.  And when we give in, we get angry at ourselves, or we don't follow through, or we tell ourselves we're weak, or we suck and so we don't really deserve the thing we're working toward since we let ourselves get derailed.  

What do we do?   First, identify where you need to firm up a boundary.  Then, take a one-day-at-a-time approach.   Just TODAY, I will let the dishes sit in the sink so I can finish my thing instead.  Or just today I will do the dishes first, so when I come home the house feels nice and I'm not greeted with chaos and more work.

Maybe you need a one-hour-at-a-time approach.  For this HOUR, I will not answer the phone.  I will focus on this task and it will feel so good to get it done.   For this HOUR, I will focus on my kiddos completely with no multitasking.

Baby steps are magic.  Look back at your priorities - What boundaries do you need to firm up to protect your highest priorities?   What will you do differently this week?

I'd like to invite you to join our Best Self facebook group where we can talk freely about becoming our best selves - and all the messy work that entails.  In addition, I have another group, The Well Balanced Artist, for creatives of all kinds and in all stages of their creative lives, who are trying to balance their art, business and personal lives.   

Priorities

I don't know about you, but in May my workload doubles.  I have all of the regular business work and creative work, plus all the outside work on top of - and the grass keeps on growing.  I know you've got a lot on your plate, too - probably way too much.  In order to stay in balance, you need to decide where to put your effort for best return, and you need to see where your priorities lay.  Here are two easy ways to approach that.

1.  Make a list of all the stuff on your plate,  Then put it in order according to importance.  The things at the top of the list are your highest priorities. 

2.  Fill out one of these Covey Quadrants.  It's a very simple way of examining your To Do list and putting things in their proper place with regard to Urgency and Importance.   What's nice about this approach is that it shows you what things you can take off your list completely. 

Take a look at your priorities.  Are they where you want them to be?  Are you giving more time & effort to things you don't think are important?   Are you neglecting things that are?  Do you need to make changes? 

Once you've decided your priorities, you'll need to protect them.   Next time we'll be talking about boundaries.





I'd like to invite you to join our Best Self facebook group where we can talk freely about becoming our best selves - and all the messy work that entails.  In addition, I have another group, The Well Balanced Artist, for creatives of all kinds and in all stages of their creative lives, who are trying to balance their art, business and personal lives.   

Balance

The theme for this month is 'balance'.  Balance is hard for me.  I do a lot of things, wear a lot of hats, work as efficiently as I can to be as productive as I can be, which means I often neglect things that are good for me and which feel good when I do them, but do not meet my very strict definition of  'productive'.  I love how I feel when I'm productive.  I don't love how I feel when I'm neglecting something and get out of balance.

Lately I feel very out of balance.  To get back in balance, I answered these questions:

A.  What are the things/goals I'm trying to accomplish and work toward these days?

• Am I making progress?
• Do I feel good about that progress

B.  What am I neglecting?

• Has that neglect caused problems?   What are they?

C.  Do I want to continue feeling out of balance?

• What specific things do I need to do to address the things I'm neglecting?
• How much time will I set aside to address these?  (Doesn't have to be a lot)

D.  What strategy will I use to free up the time I need to do these things?

• What things will I no longer spend time on?  
• What boundaries will I instate to protect my time & focus?
• What physical space do I need to have available?
• What reminders do I need?

E.  Who do I have to support me? [This one is not easy for me, either.]

• My accountability partner is _______________.
• My cheerleader is _______________.

F.  How am I going to reward myself for doing this stuff (based on difficulty/effort)?

• My little reward is _______________.
• My medium sized reward is _______________.
• My OMG-I-really-did-this reward is _______________.
• My accountability partner who will make sure I reward myself is _______________.

My current issues have to do with a creative practice and a meditation practice.  I need to schedule these into my day.   I have very reasonable and measurable goals.  My meditation practice is five and a half minutes.  [Seriously.  Go to that link and read about it.]   I set a timer.   My creative practice should be at least 10 minutes.  I'll set a timer for that one, too. 

The challenge for me with these is that I do them better when I'm in the right head space and I haven't been, so it's hard to sit down and sketch or meditate.   I think my strategy for this is to do them first thing in the day, then give myself a really awesome reward when I've done them for so long.  10 days?  30 days?  [Note:  I'm not interested in doing them everysingleday-all-or-nothing.  30 days with the occasional skip is still 30 days and that would be awesome.  They don't have to be 30 consecutive days.]   I'm still thinking about the reward thing.  It brings up other issues I have about being deserving of rewards.   I have more work to do on that.   Maybe I should give myself a reward for accepting a reward?  I'll keep you posted.