Balance

The theme for this month is 'balance'.  Balance is hard for me.  I do a lot of things, wear a lot of hats, work as efficiently as I can to be as productive as I can be, which means I often neglect things that are good for me and which feel good when I do them, but do not meet my very strict definition of  'productive'.  I love how I feel when I'm productive.  I don't love how I feel when I'm neglecting something and get out of balance.

Lately I feel very out of balance.  To get back in balance, I answered these questions:

A.  What are the things/goals I'm trying to accomplish and work toward these days?

• Am I making progress?
• Do I feel good about that progress

B.  What am I neglecting?

• Has that neglect caused problems?   What are they?

C.  Do I want to continue feeling out of balance?

• What specific things do I need to do to address the things I'm neglecting?
• How much time will I set aside to address these?  (Doesn't have to be a lot)

D.  What strategy will I use to free up the time I need to do these things?

• What things will I no longer spend time on?  
• What boundaries will I instate to protect my time & focus?
• What physical space do I need to have available?
• What reminders do I need?

E.  Who do I have to support me? [This one is not easy for me, either.]

• My accountability partner is _______________.
• My cheerleader is _______________.

F.  How am I going to reward myself for doing this stuff (based on difficulty/effort)?

• My little reward is _______________.
• My medium sized reward is _______________.
• My OMG-I-really-did-this reward is _______________.
• My accountability partner who will make sure I reward myself is _______________.

My current issues have to do with a creative practice and a meditation practice.  I need to schedule these into my day.   I have very reasonable and measurable goals.  My meditation practice is five and a half minutes.  [Seriously.  Go to that link and read about it.]   I set a timer.   My creative practice should be at least 10 minutes.  I'll set a timer for that one, too. 

The challenge for me with these is that I do them better when I'm in the right head space and I haven't been, so it's hard to sit down and sketch or meditate.   I think my strategy for this is to do them first thing in the day, then give myself a really awesome reward when I've done them for so long.  10 days?  30 days?  [Note:  I'm not interested in doing them everysingleday-all-or-nothing.  30 days with the occasional skip is still 30 days and that would be awesome.  They don't have to be 30 consecutive days.]   I'm still thinking about the reward thing.  It brings up other issues I have about being deserving of rewards.   I have more work to do on that.   Maybe I should give myself a reward for accepting a reward?  I'll keep you posted. 

Two Kinds of Support

© Robin Edmundson, 'Ironwood tree under snow', photo.

Hello my lovely friends!  We've been talking about the people who are in your tribe.  How have you been doing with that?   Are you finding wonderful people to add to your tribe?   Have you been able to release people who are no longer supportive of you?  Remember: tribes are dynamic.  It's OK if there's some coming and going.  You are changing.   Your needs are changing.

There are two very important types of tribal support that you're going to need as you make changes in your life. 

The first type of support is validation.  You need someone who is very supportive of where you are right now.  Someone who validates your feelings, understands where you're coming from and who steps up to defend you from the villains in your life.  This kind of person helps you feel safe where you are.

The second type of support is reality check.  You need someone to call you on your bullshit. Someone who doesn't accept your excuses and who doesn't let you off the hook.  They help you accept responsibility for your life and remind you that you have the power to make the changes you need to make.  They are the ones who help you think and act differently. They make great accountability partners.

Sometimes you can find both kinds of support in a single friend [Keep that person, but be clear on what kind of support you need when and be able to communicate it.  They can't read your mind.] 

Most of the time you'll need to identify different members of your tribe for different roles.  When you need validation, you can talk to Ann or Zoe.  When you need strategy, you can talk to Betty or Yvette.

Get support in a helpful order.  In general, when things get scary or dramatic, you're going to need validation first.  You want enough validation to feel safe, loved and capable but you don't want to wallow. When you feel safe, move to  reality checking, accepting responsibility and making changes.
 
Who in your tribe helps you feel validated?    Who in your tribe gives great reality checks?  I would love to hear about the people in your life who have helped you in these ways.  Please leave a comment and tell me about them.